Pause before the prayer, allowing God’s Spirit to search your heart. Make your own confession. Pause after the prayer to experience the reality of God’s forgiveness.
I want to keep my hands smooth,
my skin unbroken,
my feet unscarred.
I don’t want the imprint of the cross on my shoulder.
Let someone else carry it for me – it is too heavy.
I need to keep what ‘self’ I have;
there isn’t enough to give any away.
If I have to die,
I want it to be some worthy cause.
If I have to give my life,
I want to be remembered as a hero –
not some broken failure
to be laughed at and jeered;
not some sub-human piece of human refuse.
I don’t ‘do’ that sort of love.
I want it returned with interest,
not with scepticism,
You’re calling the wrong person, Jesus.
You need saints and martyrs to march with you –
zealots and cross-bearers.
I’d only let you down.
Can you cope with my weaknesses?
Forgive my failures?
Transform my timidity?
Because I want to follow.
At least, for today I do.
Teach me how.